Sunday, 12 June 2011

Back to normal tomorrow...

Awesome thing/s of the day:
Waking up from a dream about your favourite actress ever (Keira Knightley)
The feeling of putting depression behind you as you embark on a new journey
When people who you don't even know tweet you saying your strength is an inspiration (and they are going to be in your year group this year!) - I have a good feeling I'm going to love you Ellis!

So, this is it.
Tomorrow I embark on a life away from the depths of my room and restore my education and normality.
And after some wonderful conversations earlier with some friends who I haven't spoken to in a while, I am probably about 70% excited and 30% nervous.

This is a photo of me all the way back in 2008.
The girl to my right is a lovely girl (soon to be in my year group tomorrow) called Louisa.
As weird as it is looking back on these old times, it's great too.
I remember everything I had with this girl - a wonderful friendship.
And I hope we can get this back again in our final year of school together.

I am going to therapy tomorrow as well.
I have an appointment after school - which will actually be one of my last therapy sessions ever.
My therapist and my psychiatrist are leaving CAMHS in the next two months.
I am being removed from taking Prozac.
All of these changes, are happening so fast, it makes me wonder if I can cope with it all again. Will I just slip back? It's taken me such a long time to reach this stage, I can't help wondering if the smallest thing will make me burn down in flames again.

But I have a little bit of confidence in myself this year. Just random twitter conversations today have told me that this year is going to be a good one.
I have an aim, to make some great friends, and to get my grades for University. Nothing can stop that this year.
Not depression, anxiety, or anorexia. I can't let it happen.
I have to let my A grades, and happiness happen.

This blog post is a dedication to those who never stopped believing that I would get better all those months ago.
The ones who held my hand whilst I sobbed with tears, the ones who were never judgemental, the ones who lay beside my hospital side.
Because without you guys, I wouldn't be here right now, positive, full of life, and ready to take on the world again. Thank you everybody.
I start tomorrow afresh, a new person. I can't wait to meet all of you - and I can't wait to spend the next year with you, as a happy person again.

1 comment:

  1. I tried commenting a second ago but I don't think it worked, so here it is again
    Awww thanks for the mention, I have a feeling I'm going to love you as well :)
    You'll be 100% fine I'm sure, everyone who's met you for the first time today has said to me how lovely and genuine they think you are :)
    Welcome honorary yr12/13 (I haven't decided what we are yet lol) <3
    Ellis :)