Wednesday, 29 June 2011

New video and withdrawal from prozac issues

Hello all!

Something happened to me today which has really affected the way that I view my medication. Sometimes you are unable to notice whether medication has had an effect on you and your way of living, but after the withdrawal from the medication for the past two weeks, the symptoms have been horrible and feels almost as if I am reverting towards my old behaviours.

I must be honest and say I had never really researched the withdrawal effects of Prozac. But now after researching I can certainly apply myself to a vast majority of the symptoms which frightens me.
Over the past week or so, I have been engaging in episodes of a violent temper. They literally appear to burst from nowhere, sometimes just a noise that inturrupts silence (that's how minimal the issue is) and I will burst into a flourish of anger.
The other night I began to tense up in my hands, which is how I knew an agitated mindset was approaching, and wanted to hit anything in my way. When Nathan asked what was wrong I shouted how much I wanted and needed to be left to sleep otherwise I would do something I would regret.

Today though, it was far worse. Again, another temper arose from me out of something so small and trivial, I got angry, starting tensing in my hands, and proceeded to throw my phone against the TV. The back came off and the battery came out, and when Nathan started shouting at me saying it was a stupid thing to do, I went mad. I went to get my phone, and he held me back, and then I lost control. I started doing anything in my power to get away, pushing him, throwing my arms anywhere not even caring if they were hitting him. I got so out of control that he restrained me like he would a criminal who had just been arrested. He literally had to hold me down. After screaming at him to let me go, I ran into the bathroom, shut the door and sat with my back against it.After about 10 minutes of Nathan trying to get in, I finally let him.
But when he did get in I couldn't look at him. I had tears streaming down my face and my head was in my hands and I was curled up in a small little ball in my bathroom. I was a wreck. Nathan managed to pull me up straight and kept asking me to look at him, and I couldn't. Exclaiming how he was better off without me, and he wouldn't listen. Another 10 minutes passed before I eventually calmed down, until I started to feel faint, then Nathan carried me into the living room to lie down on the settee to calm down.

This isn't me. I am not an angry or violent person and I hate how it is making me this way to the person I love more then anything else in the world. This makes me worry. Maybe depending on medication was the worst idea ever established? Maybe I can never live a life without medication?
It's worrying me, and most of all, I worry about my future and my life more then ever before.

I need to speak to the psychiatrist next week about this. I know withdrawal is supposed to be difficult, but really? I'm turning into a monster, it feels like sometimes.
Being so alone is going to be so much harder then I originally thought.

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