Friday, 24 June 2011

Positive thoughts and people reading my blog!

Well, lets get the negative part out of the way and mentioned I relapsed once again into self-injury last night.
Why, is not really essential. But to me it's a small sign that maybe getting better will take longer then originally thought. It's not something I am proud of, was spontaneous and was not planned.
But things have been onwards and upwards since then so I'm going to forget about it for now.

Today however was lovely.
Again, friendships have been forming and I feel like I am fitting in.
I haven't felt like that in a very long time, and it's nice to know that people can accept me for the person I am.

The topic of blogs is something dominating the Sixth Form at the moment.
People have been finding the blogs of two of my friends and I hesitate it won't be long until they find mine too.
I have nothing to hide. I don't discuss anybody here. I am a nice friendly person with nothing to feel guilty for. I discuss openly my issues with mental illness, as well as random dibdabs of my day.
A girl came up to me today in Media exclaiming she had found my blog. I had to admit at first I had a feeling she was going to critisise me for it. But later on I received the most wonderful Facebook message from her exclaiming how beautiful my writing was and how much I was respected by her, and I have to be honest, I welled up a little.
Considering I don't know her very well, and she has managed to say that to me, it means the world and has enabled me to want to keep going.
I had thoughts earlier of deleting my blog. But really, I don't understand why I should. Aside from no doubt a few people who are probably going to be judgemental, everyone so far has been really accepting about what has happened. I am not insane, mad or horrible at all, I am not a bitchy person, I am nice, kind, friendly, outgoing and I help and assist others with problems facing their day. That is what I do.

And plus, I have met a huge range of people through the YouTube community and my collab with the WeRFreEDomFighters girls. I have no idea how anyone could be disrespectful to somebody who has managed to inspire so many people and enabled them to get help through talking to them through the screen, or in person. It's a nice way for the girls on the collab to keep up with what I am getting up to, and how things are going. Plus writing is my outlet, always has been and always will be, and I could never be ashamed to admit that.

But thanks to the wonderful girls and guys who have been there, here are just a few of them - including some pictures of us taking pictures in English Lit :D

So overall, a lovely day with lovely people, and this also includes Zara, Sam, Glen, Hannah (both of them) and loads more others.

So, tomorrow I am off to visit my firm choice university, City.
Anticipating it like mad, as I feel that it is so out of my depths.
A boy previously in my English class when I was in my old year group gave me some reassurance earlier, which was great, some confidence I don't think I had encountered for a few days.I do try now to have as much confidence in myself as possible, otherwise I know depression will rear it's ugly head and I would never have the motivation to do anything and go anywhere.
So tomorrow, I am going to do my utmost best to believe in myself that I will indeed be going to this University in 2012.
The future, indeed, is bright.
(no cheesy pun intended)

P.s - Fabulous Friday video is up for this week, where we discuss guilt of hurting others.

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