Tuesday, 14 June 2011

Settling in...

Okay, so I have a confession to make.
Last night and yesterday in general caused so much stress for me. On top of that I had had a huge argument with a girl who was previously my friend, stating since I was recovered (which clearly I am not) she felt she couldn't connect with me as much anymore, and saying we shouldn't be friends.
I don't know what it was that was the main trigger, but I relapsed into self-injury last night.
And being cut-free for about 7 months had been an amazing improvement. So I was somewhat dissappointed at my actions last night.

I completly was upset with myself today, as I had such a good day in comparison to yesterday.
Made new friends, introduced myself to new people, kept the beaming smile on my face and was myself.
And I felt happy to be at school, to be learning.
I haven't felt like that in years, and it was such a different feeling and emotion in comparison to yesterday.

I got the guts to approach Mrs Smith which helped a lot too.
And she was a lot more calmer with me, saying I should come and see her to talk about how things were going and that she had forgiven me for everything that has happened.
I knew I wasn't going to give up on her.

Lessons went well, people were overall lovely, and I have received some wonderful compliments from teachers saying how much happier and well I look. It's an awesome feeling to know that 6 months of continuous strain have actually got me somewhere.
Yes, so I had my little relapse yesterday. Actually, a relapse isn't the word. A minor set back. Something I, as a recovered person, cannot allow to happen again.

Again, to the wonderful girls I met today and yesterday, you people are amazing!
(Ellis we need a proper conversation soon!)
It's nice to know that there are people who are unjudgemental about your issues.
I have been asked why I took time out from school, but no more questions were asked when I stated I was ill.
Which, as Nathan says, isn't far from the truth. I was mentally ill.
And that caused me to be physically ill as my anorexia got worse and I felt drained, weak, and not strong enough.
I would be honest and open with people, but maybe in time when I get to know them a little better. Sometimes there is no need for people to know things like that. As far as I am concerned now, the past is the past. I want to keep it there and want it to remain that way. Flashbacks will always occur but I have become the strongest person I can ever be from it - depression, strangely, was one of the best things to ever happen to me.

Overall, beautiful day.
*hugs* to all you beautiful followers.

No comments:

Post a Comment