Another night full of emotion, tears, and the crap that comes with this absolute prat of an illness.
Been to see my old English Literature teacher for some non-judgemental comforting and wise words.
Have been convincing myself all day that my boyfriend of 2 years doesn't want to be with me anymore.
I rung my psychiatrist and apparently he said he is referring me to a doctor (still in CAMHS) who can assess my medication, and also suggested I go back onto 20mg as I am clearly not doing so well without it. He didn't seem to care about how badly I was doing, however.
I am not seeing much point to many things right now, and no matter how many people I talk to or how much I try, it doesn't seem to be getting much better.
So I am going to wrap myself up early in bed tonight, try and sleep, maybe have a little cry, and try to be strong. Trying seems to absorb a lot of my energy though, however. I wish smiling came naturally.
Even this dismal weather has reflected my mood, it has dramatically turned from bright and sunny to dark and rainy.
I just can't.