Monday, 18 July 2011

Finding things a little tough...

So, the school learning mentor who I see very occasionally, who checks how I am doing at school, called me into his office this morning, to tell me that he was also leaving.
Inside, I literally broke.
This guy hasn't been the biggest source of help for me if I'm honest, but at least he has been there. He has managed to keep up to date with how things are going with me, and for the sake of my health I have actually been honest the majority of the time with how things have been going. He is going to pass me onto another mentor in September, whoever takes over from him and is also going to talk to my head of year about how he thinks I need more support then I am already getting - but I am sure you guys can understand that if you were me, you would feel a slight slap in the face as well.

I know I keep going on about people leaving, but it's getting a little bit much now.
It's not just all the teachers, and the professional support (although that is the main factor)
It's my friends as well. Can I deal with change that well, to cope with all of this?

I finally said goodbye to my media teacher today - it didn't end up being his last day a few Mondays ago but he came back and taught until the end of term, which is tomorrow.
I gave him a card, and he wrote me a little letter (he wrote them to people who wrote in his leaving card) - but on mine he referred to me as the 'bravest, most courageous and inspirational student I have ever worked with'
- then at the bottom, after everything he wrote to everyone else, he put: ' Never forget that although you may not know it, or see it, you have been an inspiration to many students and me in many ways beyond what you could possibly imagine'
That honestly made my day, if not my year.
When I spoke to him after school, he said that our little chat a few weeks ago helped him also. He has experienced very similar issues to myself and therefore it was nice having someone who understood. But he is a great person and I will miss seeing him around.

It's really hard to see myself as inspirational. I get told it a lot through my YouTube videos, my blogs and twitter, but I have never really understood myself why. I don't really think I help or inspire anybody. I do my best, but I think it takes a lot for somebody to be truly inspirational.
I struggle to come to a conclusion as to who my inspirations are. A lot of teachers. Ms Hoyle, Ms Lall and Mr Moan are my main three inspirations in regard to teachers. Ms Hoyle inspired me to recover from my depression and work towards a future - I don't think she will ever know how much I thank her for that.
My boyfriend never fails to inspire me - with his perserverance with his girlfriend struggling with a mental health illness and as well as working for one of the most stressful jobs I can think of - how he deals with being a police officer I will never know but he does it somehow!
One of my best friends, Grace is an inspiration to me. For her caring, adventurous and daring attitude which I crave - along with her intelligence and loving personality.
I guess I do have inspirations, when I think about me.
But I would never consider myself as one...

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