Tuesday, 16 August 2011

Having a little dip in my mood

So I was in the Lake District last week. Beautiful, beautiful place, very picturesque, as you would expect. However, I probably didn't have the nice, relaxing holiday I had originally intended, and there are two main reasons for that, the first being Nathans dad, and the second being worrying about the London riots back home. But I'm not sure I really want to discuss either of those, or the holiday in general.

Since I have returned, my mood has taken a drop. I have been taking my tablets a lot later in the day recently, sometimes completely forgetting at all to take them, which is unlike me but sometimes being on holiday can entirely zone out your usual routine. I have a feeling that may have played a slight part, but it's been one of those 'stay in bed because I am so depressed' days today - which worries me. My entire plan for today was to begin planning out Media and English Literature coursework - and it ended up in Nathan having to come and get me because I was in such a mess. Really not sure what that has all been about. I think when Nathan left this morning, during the time I was getting ready I had time to think. Which was a bad idea, as it has been something I haven't really been able to do properly in a while - it turns out thinking is bad for me! Who knew!

I think I am beginning to miss Lyndas support. It has taken a while for me to fully recognise her being absent from my life - and now I guess I am seeing life without her and it's tough. I even contemplated contacting the counseller from school, who gave me his email address - but to be honest I'd feel I was using him just for somebody to vent my emotions out, rather then somebody who could actually help.
Anyway, I am sure it's just a spell, and that things will improve in a while. In a weird way I am looking forward to getting back to Sixth Form, at least my days will be a little more structured and my mind will be too occupied with academic things to enable me to think negatively. I have been meaning to write in my blog for days and days - but I can't bring myself to switch the computer on to write a bunch of thoughts attempting to be positive when I can't be. Honestly though, I will snap myself into gear soon.

I may or may not have mentioned recently that my Mum has been embarking on this new diet, which appears to be working for her. Now, that was triggering enough, being that she mentioned calories every 5 seconds and consistantly told me she was on a strict 1200 calorie a day diet. Now my Nan AND my Dad have embarked on the same regime, and if I'm honest, at the moment, it's hard not to consider myself as the fat lump. Everytime I walk to the fridge I walk straight back to where I originally was again. Nothing about me wants to eat right now, nothing. Food is not satisfying me, it just makes me feel greedy. I have no idea how ANY of this is going to pan out but it's concerning me.

Thanks to all of my wonderful followers :)
(I promise, the blog will be a little more detailed, and maybe even interesting next time)

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