So as if things were not getting any worse depression wise this week, today is A-level results day.
And I of course, have to sit and live with the fact that I am getting NO results today. Not even AS results.
It's something that should not be hurting me inside, and I tried to pretend that I didn't care before, but now the day is here, of course I care. It's just another way of being told that everybody in my life is moving forward and I however, am perpetuated in the present. It makes me future seem bleak and unattainable. But I know today is a day where I am going to be consistantly reminded of the failure that I am. It was even proven this morning when my English Literature teacher sent around a whole mass email to my old class (and I was included), exclaiming good luck for the results and good luck for the future and everything. It killed me inside. My future hasn't even started yet and in my eyes it doesn't even look possible.
And yes, I know perfectly well that I am not getting results today for a good reason. I was absorbed by an illness which quite frankly I was unable to control, and having lived with it and not taking the time from education, I may not have achieved the perfect results I desired. But even so, it just allows me to put myself down from even suffering from this bastard of an illness in the first place.
I know that today is NOT going to be a good one.