Monday, 22 August 2011

Self-injury *trigger warning*


So after a week of battling with my emotions, I finally succumbed to the demon that is self-injury last night. And in ways of which I don't want to sound triggering, it slightly helped. All of that pent up emotion couldn't be lashed out anywhere else and it has just taught me that without therapy now, I need to start discovering some pro-active solutions to vent out my feelings. Usually in this circumstance I would have been able to speak to Lynda, or a teacher at school, or somebody - and now that isn't possible I need something or someone. I do regret self-harming last night but I feel somewhat that I have purged everything that needed to let go from my body (without of course purging). I spoke to Jason about it last night who agreed with me - yet I am not suggesting this to anybody and want to work myself on finding some more coping strategies that I built up through my 6-8 month recovery process from depression - and I think you should too.

I woke up this morning, got showered and dressed, and made a video as a distraction - doing something positive for YouTube always helps, plus the editing process of the videos can take a long time so that is always productive when you have a long day ahead. I have spent a lot of the morning catching up on videos and emails - especially watching back-to-back episodes of two wonderful girls who have a channel called Mentalhealthhelpuk - and of which I have picked up some very useful tips and advice, not just in regard to my mental health problems but within making my videos too. I may do some cleaning and distracting in that form, and then who knows what is going to happen. But since that little episode I think I have gained a little bit of strength and positive energy (from somewhere) to start again.

It's a shame that I sunk into that period of self-harm again - the last time was the first day back at Sixth Form, and for reasons of which I couldn't entirely remember other then panicking that I wasn't going to be able to cope. So it's been about two months - but I have gone much longer without it before, and it is definatly not as frequent. I know I can live without it.

1 comment:

  1. Im so sorry you self harmed, dont worry about sounding triggering, Im not a self harmer either but I know what you mean about it giving a little release, I find that too when I now turn to mechanisms like this :/ but I guess we have to try and develop more helpful mechanisms......Im sorry you cant talk to that person at school that you could talk to b4.....but Im glad you could talk to Jason about it....your bf perhaps?......
    Well done on turning to a positive, I love ur youtube videos,