Sunday, 29 April 2012

I feel rather plagued and overthrown by stress at the moment, and it's only now I am realising that the stress of everything is what is impacting on my physical health.

Consistent nausea. Stomach cramps. Loss of breath. Headaches.
It all adds up.
Various tests I have had done, and I have an ultra-sound scan coming up.

I feel dreadful, all the time, which impacts on the mental side of things.
Have been put on lots of medication for it all, and nothing.
When I go to kiss Nathan I have to draw back because I can't breathe properly and I panic.

The exams are slowly approaching.
I have a lot of people in my life right now that I severely care about and am worried for - one is in hospital in Ealing and another is way too far away for me to even attempt to help.
Energy levels are dropping.
My motivation is dropping.

I saw Sarah in Sainsbury's a few days ago.
I wasn't sure whether she saw me or not but if she did, she avoided me.
It was so bizarre, she has only been gone from my life for a month or so and although I am coping relatively well without therapy, that doesn't mean I don't need it still.
I know logically, she would never have helped me if she was never giving me feedback from the sessions.
But still. Another counsellor lost.

I tried one last time to apologise to Mrs Smith. And she still doesn't want to speak with me.
It destroys me inside but there is nothing left to do.
I don't want to sit through school these next few weeks, I just want to go on study leave now, I am ready to leave, am ready to escape.

1 comment:

  1. Yikes! That doesn't sound too good at all, glad you've gone to the doc! Do you think it's anxiety? Either way, hope they figure it out soon and fingers crossed you start feeling better! <3
    You know, with your teacher, it sounds like you've really tried to apologize and for some reason she's just not having any of it...and that's her problem! Try not to take it upon yourself hun. People mess up, but those moments aren't indicative of who we are. Forgive yourself, you've done all you can to make things right, if she still carries a grudge then that's her burden not yours