And it's so bizarre because instead of being upbeat and optimistic, I have actually crashed.
I've had a few days since it's all been over where I just want to curl up and hide away from everyone, moments of extreme frustration at the world, and moments where my jealousy of others becomes so severe I just ignore people completely.
Life isn't fair, really.
Have spent the last three days applying for jobs, I'm up to well over 50 now, and they include not just retail, but administration and receptionist work. I knew as soon as the exams were over it was something I needed to do, and now it's becoming an addiction, to keep applying and applying and nothing will ever be good enough. I've been through this process before, and have been called to interview, but it was during when I was sick and my Mum found out I had been applying for jobs and immediately stopped me from going to said interviews.
From the years 2008-2010 I had a total of three jobs. I have my experience in both retail and administration and I am not incapable. I am just waiting for someone to give me a chance and recognise that I am a successful candidate, because I know I am. I just know that hearing of rejections as and when I get them is going to impact on my self-confidence an awful lot, and it's just a case of learning to deal with that. Will let you guys know if I achieve any success.
I guess I am just feeling a little under the weather at the moment. The future is looking bleak and I need to turn those thoughts around. I can do it, though. I promised myself I could.