Thursday, 31 January 2013

Ending January, without a wave

It's fair to say that I am extremely keen to wave goodbye to January. Although I've had some good times:




It's mainly been a month full of tears and no change, which is really not how I wanted my year to begin.
Towards the end of this month we had some great news regarding Nathan and hopefully soon the confirmation of the job he's wanted since he was a little boy. Extremely proud of him and this news hopefully means we will be able to kick-start our life together as a couple.

Unfortunately however, I'm letting the side down. I'm still working part-time and even though I'm temping in an office a few days a week now to boost my funds, it still isn't enough. So I think that's the thing that's really placing a dampener on life right now and it's hard to not beat myself up because of it.

In other news, I have two days until I am officially a student again. I'm going to be a student of Psychology beginning on the 2nd February.
I'm extremely nervous about combining the studying with work/perhaps a full-time job somewhere in the pipeline, but at the same time I'm crossing my fingers that studying is going to give me that focus back that I've been lacking ever since I left Kingston. My tutors have e-mailed me to introduce themselves, and my tutorials are all set and booked, with the first two due to start next week.

I haven't really spoken much about my degree and beginning studying again because I guess I don't want to jinx it. I was so ecstatic about Kingston until a month later realising that it really wasn't for me. I then came back to work, a university drop-out, and everyone's reactions to me completely changed and since then I've been really unhappy. I keep getting questions from various people asking me when/if I'm going back to studying (a few being incredibly sarcastic and rude about the whole thing) and after telling them I'm starting a degree with the Open University, I get jeers and criticism, as clearly, if you don't move out and study a degree the 'traditional' way, it isn't considered a real degree.

And I guess I'm bored of the criticism which is why I've barely told anyone about it. What people are failing to understand is that I don't have to change to suit a lifestyle that isn't for me. I've always been a person that doesn't do things the traditional way - my battle with mental health problems and entering a long-term relationship aged 16 most certainly proved that. But if studying a degree with the OU is right for ME and is what makes ME happy, I don't see why it should matter to anyone else. I've had one positive comment from my colleagues regarding the whole thing, the rest have been entirely dismissive.

You can't make an assumption or criticise anyone's life choices unless you've walked at least a mile in their shoes. Maybe more. And I guess the judgemental comments I'm beginning to receive about MY life choices is beginning to get on my nerves a little. But hey, I'll fight through it as I always do. I'm excited to start my degree, nonetheless, and I'll keep you all updated with my progress.

In other news, you may or may not know that I am putting together a collaboration video for Eating Disorders Awareness Week 2013, which begins on the 11th February. I've already had some fantastic contributions for this project and am in the process of editing the footage together but if you would like to take part (there is still time!) please drop me a comment on this video and I'll send you a message with the instructions.

Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. Similar thoughts here, especially about the uni choices and doing things the 'right' way...
    best of luck with the course, let me know if I can help at all (attempting a masters in psychology, don't know much but shout if I can do anything)
    Take care,

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