There's so much I need to change about my current situation.
But I guess I'm coming to the realisation that I am the only person able to change that.
We can have counsellors, therapists, dieticians, teachers, parents, partners, telling us what we should do and how we should do it - but the actual CHANGE must come from within ourselves. If it doesn't, you are not living your life. You're living a life through the expectations of somebody else. And who want's that? You can't wait for somebody or something else to come along and make you happy. You have to create your own happiness. Respect and love yourself for who you are, despite the flaws. Deprive yourself of the negative people surrounding you, putting you down. Life is short, so make it count now.
'Do you want to be a prisoner of the past, or a pioneer of the future?'
If your answer is the latter, and I truly well hope it is, then only you have the power to become that pioneer.
And we can all do it - we all have inner strength within ourselves, even I know that I have strength to fight this, despite years of telling myself I had none.
You have to find it from somewhere. And what I mean is that you don't have to go looking for it. Sometimes the strength you've been looking for turns up in unexpected places. A chat with a friend, or even a stranger, can unearth that strength. A life event or something stupid and what you may think as meaningless occurring in your day. And when it does flourish, grab it with open arms and cherish the strength. Because you'll need that to continue the journey.
I'm also a firm believer in that 'everything happens for a reason'. Some of you might be thinking, well what on earth is the reason why I am the only battling depression, eating disorders, etc. The reason, I feel, is to turn you into a stronger person overall.
I can guarantee that I would be an entirely different person with a completely different outlook on life had I not been through the experiences that I have. I may have been ignorant to those struggling. I may have gone to University at 18, and turned into a person which I wasn't. I never would have learnt half of the things I've learnt without my mental health problems. We all make mistakes and do stupid things, but we learn from them and it's exactly the same situation here. Grateful is quite a strong word to describe it, I guess, but sometimes, I am. I wouldn't have half the friends I have, and learnt half the things I have without being at the lowest of the low, first. So if you're in despair right now, struggling, remember that life can only progress into better and brighter things. I saw a fantastic metaphor the other day about arrows, about how arrows can only be shot when you pull them backwards first. But after you've been struggling, being dragged back with difficulties, and and finally let go, it launches you into something great. Keep aiming.
Remember, that it's okay to struggle. Struggling doesn't mean you're weak. Everyone struggles from time to time in varying aspects of their life, it's part of being human and having emotions. But remember what I'm saying, that the strength to get out of those struggles lies within all of us. And whether it takes months or years to find it, with relapses along the path, once you find it you can push forward, just like the arrow.
'A great beginning always occurs at the point you thought would be the end of everything'