Tuesday, 9 July 2013

Living life

Looking back on the last few months, something I have noticed is that I'm actually living my life at the moment. In the last few weeks, I've:

Completed my 3rd 5K Race for Life (jogging 4k and walking the last one) in 40 minutes - raising £555 for Cancer Research UK!

I met Natasha Devon!

I celebrated friends birthdays!

I had drunken nights in with friends (and furry friends!)

I booked a Saturday off work to attend the Summer Stampede 2013 - a music festival with bands such as Haim, Vampire Weekend, Ben Howard, and Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros! And did I forget to mention MUMFORD AND SONS? (aaaaaah!)

I went to a London nightclub for a friends birthday :)

I sunbathed whilst looking upon my new university for the next three years.

I SAW MUMFORD AND SONS!

Went nightclubbing in Uprawr, Central London

Those are just some of the things I've been up to in the last month or so. And it's felt really nice and weirdly refreshing to be out and living my life again. Don't get me wrong, I've cancelled on the odd event or two due to anxiety and I'm very often a crying mess due to my depression, but when things are good, they're really good at the moment, and I'm totally 100% grateful for that.

On the other side of things, I'm very much unhappy with my job and a lot of other things which are not just going to be resolved overnight. I'm not a perfect person. I look at others lives with severe jealousy and I shouldn't. I've accomplished nothing in the last few years and it makes me sad. I don't want to be like this, but I am.

I guess I'm just spending the next few months in waiting. Waiting to gain a little more focus and a little perspective back. And it's terrifying. But I've always been taught to feel the fear and do it anyway. And I think that's going to have to be my mantra in order to get me through these next few months.
I've stopped going to therapy, I stopped a long time ago. I've stopped medication. I have no support and it was all my decision. Truth is, I want to go it alone. I've been wanting to for a long long time now. And every time I end up running backwards, and I don't want to. I've had some great times as of late but that shouldn't mask the fact that SO much in my life needs to be sorted out, that I'm pushing to the side for fear of facing it.

Fingers crossed that things begin to see some perspective and the silver lining will at some point arise, hopefully in the not too distant future.

1 comment:

  1. How do you still look so beautiful after exercise? ;) xx

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