Tuesday, 31 December 2013

2014 - Goals

Another year looms ahead and another fearful Amy watches on as it arrives.

Realistically, January the 1st is just another day and I should treat it as another day but it isn't. We live our lives determined by years. I was born in the year of 1992, which determines my age. I met my boyfriend in the summer of 2009, which determines how long we've been together. It's hard to watch the page turn to 2014 and not try to plan it out to be a good year. And whilst I do believe that if you want to make a change, you should start NOW and not as soon as the 1st comes around - it does help people put things into perspective and psychologically puts them in the frame of mind for a fresh start. And I think people should stop with the judging of those who want to attempt to start fresh in a new year - there's nothing wrong with that and even if they don't succeed the motivation to do so should be celebrated.

Of course, I try and do this with all of my years. But life happens and things don't work out and life events occur and that's bound to happen no matter how much you plan ahead to the next year. But I'm one for writing lists and making improvements. And not negative improvements either. Looking at my list below you'll see that the inclusions on my list are all positive things that I will use as fuel to my progression in recovery. I'm not telling myself to lose weight, or achieve a first at University. I just simply want to be healthy and confident with the way that I look, and actually pass the year. Which is a much healthier outlook to the one I would have had about three years ago. Progress has most definitely been made.

I had a difficult evening last night and I decided to write a letter to somebody who had a massive impact on my life when I was a teenager. I haven't seen her for over one and a half years and I felt it was time to let her know how far I'd come in my journey since the last time she saw me, refusing to speak with me due to how ill I was and my illness making her unwell and unable to cope also. I think of her a lot and more than anything, I want her to be proud of me. I think/hope she will be if/once she reads the letter. This time next year, I'll want to write a letter and have tons more things to add to the list. I'm determined to make that happen and make people proud of me and more importantly, be proud of myself. I'm a good person, and I should embrace that.

Things will go wrong this year and I have to slowly accept that that is a part of life and that is what happens. Without the bad things that happen, you can't learn from them and move on to the good. And I've said it plenty of times but I'll keep re-iterating it because it is so true. As hard as it is, when bad things happen we need to try and learn from them, move on and work on how things could be better. Sure, I've reflected on Julys overdose with bad memories - but I still went to University and finished a whole first term. Which sounds silly but I've had so many failed attempts at University and spent years thinking I'd never complete a week, let alone a term. We just need to keep moving and keep the faith.

Some people like the idea of setting goals for the new year, some don't, and that's okay. I'm not going to live my life by these goals but I'll keep them in the back of my mind. Maybe print them out and stick them somewhere as a reminder to myself. I don't like the idea of 'resolutions' per se, as the word implies that I need to change things about myself and it's not myself that I want to change, as in my personality or my weight or my looks or anything like that. I'm learning to accept that I was born this way and I will die this way and therefore instead of focusing on trying to change what I can't change I'll make positive steps forward and just keep working and keep striving instead. I think that's the best thing to do. And after an emotional conversation last night my boyfriend has said he's going to try his hardest to help me reach some of these goals.

What is on this list isn't actually out of my reach, even if I tell myself that it is. It is down to me to make it happen. And no-one else. It's true that only you are in control of your own destiny.

Goals for 2014

1) Pass my first term at University
2) Go abroad
3) Make my blog more successful! (somehow)
4) Continue to raise awareness of mental health/body image issues - especially within my University
5) Use my DSLR camera a lot more - not just for taking pictures but for making videos for my YouTube channel - it was a big success before and I helped a lot of people and I'd love to get back into the swing of the YouTube community again.
6) Get some volunteer work working in schools and try to also volunteer in charity sectors different from ones I would usually go for.
7) Try and say YES to more things - this was one of my goals that I set myself last year, and I didn't do it half as much as I wanted to - stupid anxiety! I think this may be a yearly goal for me for a while!
8) Also to go outside of my comfort zone - which relates to what I've said above. Challenge my anxiety and try new things and go to more places that I'd usually say no to because of my anxiety.
9) Complete my fourth Race for Life to raise money for Cancer Research UK
10) Raise money for Mind - I've had my eyes set on walking the Thames Path challenge for a while, watch this space.
11) Try and cook more often - especially now my family and I are in a new house with a new kitchen! Also no skipping meals!
12) Inspire somebody/make a difference in someone elses life.
13) Drink more water and less Diet Coke - it's a well known fact that I don't drink enough water, and I'm always so dehydrated but can never motivate myself to drink enough. (I will note that this was my goal last year and after suffering from stomach flu early in December I was downing more water so it might be possible)
14) Take Multi-vitamins everyday ( mainly to stop Nathan from moaning at me every time I feel ill that 'I don't take vitamins') Also on that note - actually start taking my anti-depressants (I have no excuse now I live five doors away from a pharmacy!)
15) Learn to create a balance between University, my job, treatment, having a social life, my boyfriend/family, and a little bit of 'me' time every now and again. So far, it isn't balanced at all.
16) For once, I wouldn't like to lose weight but I'd very much like to tone up. I've started to accept my body more and more over the last year and would like to 'tone up' a little as opposed to still looking like a sack of bones (well, I don't as much anymore, but you see what I mean)
17) Learn to treat myself more - taking myself for fake-tans (I love the confidence boost afterwards), getting my nails done, treating myself to clothes (I never buy clothes). Actually thinking of myself for once.
18) I need to learn that not being perfect is okay. That this year at University is nothing more than a learning curve and a chance for me to improve day by day and gain more insight, knowledge and wisdom.
19) Write more.

The above video is one from a YouTuber I watch called Emma Blackery - I encourage you all to watch it and become inspired.

Hope you all have a very Happy New Year - if you do have any goals for 2014 let me know in the comments below!

1 comment:

  1. Very inspiring post Amy! I can relate to so much of this, so thanks for writing it down and sharing it. I'm totally with you on saying YES more...so many things that anxiety has meant I've missed out on and it just becomes a vicious circle. Let's both charge 2014 and make it a year to remember. Happy New Year xxx